Confessions, resolutions, and other things...

For most of you reading this blog, I’m a ghostwriter; but for the few who do in fact know who I am, I hope my honesty in this brief confession won’t scare you too much. I’m writing this because I don’t believe in a Kingdom, a faith or a community of believers that cannot be honest with each other. We’ve all walked through periods in our lives that have really racked our faith- whether for its betterment or not.

November 3rd was the last time I posted a blog for you all, and that’s simply because I couldn’t move myself to write about things that felt unmoving to me. God felt (and, more often than not, still feels) unmoving to me. I’d pretty much decided to give up on any and all forms of ministry that I had undertaken because it bothered me that people would commend my “anointing” or my “servant’s heart.” If I were honest, I’d say that I had already given up several months before that last post, but I guess I liked keeping up appearances…

Anyway, I’m the kind of person that feels a sense of obligation to the duties ascribed to me. As the new year approaches, I feel the need to re-evaluate and to at least attempt to push past the things that continue to encourage me to feel discouraged.

In an endeavor to lift me from my spiritual despair, a friend of mine gave me a series of assignments. One of them was to confess Psalm 51 as a personal prayer. The following scripture was taken from the seventeenth verse of this - David’s prayer. He says, “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

My understanding of the God of this scripture is that He values our sincere lamentations far more than any other offering from contrived worship. As much as He loves to see us singing, dancing, and worshiping, He’s far more concerned with the position of our hearts while it’s happening. Worship is an outward expression of an inner desire for God - it can be out of obedience; it can be out of love and adoration; but it’s not for entertainment, or pride, or appearance's sake.

I’m not particularly in favor of “New Year’s Resolutions,” but if I were to pick one for myself, it would be to learn to “rend my heart, and not my garments" (Joel 2:13); to offer sacrifices from “a broken spirit.”

Isaiah 57, verse 15 says, “[God dwells] in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, [in order] to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”

Whether you’re having a difficult experience with something right now, or you’re in the best season of your life, my hope is that we all can take a little from these prophets and humbly re-order our hearts for this new year.

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy!" ~Jude 1:24